MILLIONS of anime fans were fearing the worst last night after it emerged that a man in his early twenties had been friendzoned by his own waifu. Jackson West, a freshman university student from the state of Indiana, made the distressing announcement on a popular Otaku-themed video blog after his beloved waifu decided to call it quits on their two-month-long relationship.
"It is with a heavy heart that I have to tell you this", said West, as he struggled to hold back tears. "Last night, mai waifu, Kazami Yuka, made it painfully clear to me that she sees me as more of a friend than a lover." After sobbing uncontrollably for three or four minutes, the self-described "anime connoisseur" went on to tell startled viewers that he had "no idea that such a thing was even possible." "How on earth did I manage to get friendzoned by an imaginary Japanese character?!", shouted an angry West, as the tears continued to stream down his face. "How did I not see this coming!?"
As news of the friendzoning began to spread across the Internet, many commentators were quick to register their fear that other waifus around the world would follow suit. “This is like some kind of nightmare”, stated one anonymous poster on 4chan’s popular anime board. “Not only do we have to put up with the friendzoning crap that organic women put us through - Now there’s a good chance that our own waifus will subject us to the exact same pain and heart ache!”
via Neckbeard News
Copypasta Hall of Fame: How to Fix Discrimination
I’m with you. Unfortunately, fixing the problem by hunting down and executing undesirable elements of the Human race is very, very, wrong. The best solution would be for Humanity to break apart, and allow people who are similar to each other colonize planets together. We can have Planet Republican, Planet Jesus, Planet Mohammed, Planet Israel, Planet Kim, Planet China, and (my personal favorite) Planet Atheist, which would soon become the most advanced and successful planet.
Pasta Theatre: “I have a meme!”
Copypasta: “I can assure you I’ve grown more than most people will in the more important categories.”
Eh, maybe not in the height department but I can assure you I’ve grown more than most people will in the more important categories.
My intelligence, for example, has grown to the point where I am now a revered member of my local MENSA branch and have astonished many learned experts in various scientifical fields with insights formed after only a cursory glance at their field of study. I read the entire works of authors such as James Joyce, Albert Camus, Stephen King and George Orwell before my teenage years. I was awarded a delta for the first CMV post I ever made, and I only really argue with people on Reddit for my own amusement.
Perhaps you’d like to hear about my stunning and exponential growth in the weights room, too? How about my success with maidens from all over Europe?
You probably like to make jokes about your height at my expense because it’s the only thing you have going for you. So yeah, you might be taller than me, but at the end of the day, do I care? No. I have more important things to worry about, like the one million word novel I’m currently writing, adding to my $50,000 wardrobe, or adding to my impressive list of bullet hell game regional hiscores.
The Reddit Street Team Sticker Album, Part 4: “Reddit is a force for good in the world.”
Copypasta Hall of Fame: “I will just preface this by saying I am in fact 17 years old, I am white, and I do live in America.”
I will just preface this by saying I am in fact 17 years old, I am white, and I do live in America. Do I think my problems are worse than that of the people in Ethiopia? Yes, yes I do. I can explain to you in detail. I am being spied on constantly. They watch what I do, they read my emails, and they probably snicker at the things I watch, and you act like you know oppression? Those Ethiopians get hurt, sure, but the time is going to come when the US government will arrest me simply for not agreeing with them. Where men and women will not have their say any where. And for now, we have to pay a tax for people who live off welfare (lazy bastards) who won’t do anything with it and will only buy drugs and beer, even Kafka would find this shit unbelievable. You act smug to people like me, but you don’t even know the half of it.
Scary Sphincters And Wet Farts [Skrillex Remix]
"Website Choices" - Obama for America TV Ad