Copypasta Hall of Fame: “A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist”

A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!”

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

”How old is this rock, pinhead?”

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian”

”Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the “poor” (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!

The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named “Small Government” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

Semper Fi.

This one is supposed to have originated on 4chan circa 2011, as a parody of those dumb chain e-mails where an atheist professor is shown the error of his ways by a christian student.

/r/Copypasta Thread

Zoe Quinn Scandal Ultimate Recap - Presented by giantdickgamer420xx
Fresh Copypasta: “Here’s the thing. You said a ‘joke is a meme.’”

Here’s the thing. You said a “joke is a meme.”

Is it in the same family? Yes. No one’s arguing that.

As someone who is a scientist who studies memes, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls jokes memes. If you want to be “specific” like you said, then you shouldn’t either. They’re not the same thing.

If you’re saying “meme family” you’re referring to the taxonomic grouping of Maymaydae, which includes things from rage comics to image macros to verticals.

So your reasoning for calling a joke a meme is because random people “call the funny ones memes?” Let’s get reaction gifs and anime in there, then, too.

Also, calling someone a memer or a narwhal baconer? It’s not one or the other, that’s not how taxonomy works. They’re both. A joke is a joke and a member of the meme family. But that’s not what you said. You said a joke is a meme, which is not true unless you’re okay with calling all members of the meme family memes, which means you’d call dub checks, rage comics, and other things memes, too. Which you said you don’t.

It’s okay to just admit you’re wrong, you know?

Circlejerk Copypasta Thread

Birdwatching with a famous Reddit biologist
Another Navy Seal Pasta: “What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little libertarian neckbeard?”

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little libertarian neckbeard? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Armchair Economics, and I’ve been involved in numerous mining pools of altcoins, and I have over 300 confirmed scams. I am trained in detecting government shills and I’m the top parking-lot scammer on localbitcoins. You are nothing to me but just another conspiratard. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, aspy. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of overweight and disabled introverts across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can mine you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my cheeto-dusted hands. Not only am I extensively trained in scamming people with fake currency, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the MTGox Relief Effort (which contains cases of Mountain Dew: Code Red) and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn shill. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

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CirclejerkCopypasta Thread

Copypasta Remix: “What the fuck did you just fucking say about crows, you little bitch?”

What the fuck did you just fucking say about crows, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in environmental science, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret studies on crow behavior, and I have over 300 confirmed alt accounts. I am trained in vote brigading and I have the top comment karma on this entire website. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will downvote you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that about crows over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of taxonomists across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, jackdaw. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can downvote you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with alt accounts. Not only am I extensively trained in taxonomy, but I have access to the entire Latin names of the Corvidae family and I will use it to its full extent to prove you wrong and downvote your miserable ass off the face of the internet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit downvotes all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, jackdaw.

CirclejerkCopypasta Thread

Reddit r/videos contest entry. Reddit: The front page of the internet

An inspirational and moving video. A tip of our fedora to you, Kaptain Kek!

via Kaptain Kek’s Youtube Channel

Fresh Copypasta: “Here’s the thing…” (CJ Edition)

Here’s the thing. You said a “trilby is a fedora.” Is it in the same family? Yes. No one’s arguing that. As someone who is an atheist who studies euphoria, I am telling you, specifically, in atheism, no one calls trilbys fedoras. If you want to be “specific” like you said, then you should too. They’re not the same thing. If you’re saying “fedora family” you’re referring to the euphoric grouping of le reddit army, which includes things from neckbearded gentlesirs to highly intelligent intellectual like myself. So your reasoning for calling a trilby a fedora is because random people “say that only neckbeards wear fedoras?” Let’s get Mountain Dew and Doritos in there, then, too

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Circlejerk Copypasta thread

Copypasta Reading: City of God Don’t Real (feat. /u/dramaticallyreads)

I was walking home from my local science lab when a car stopped near me for the traffic light. A trillby-wearing teen leaned out the rear window to compliment me on my neckbeard.

"Hey, epic beard! I hope mine can look like that someday."

I stopped for a moment and gave the young gentlesir a look of approval. He had a promising batch of stubble on his neckline. “Thanks, and I’m sure it will!”

I was about to continue on my way when I heard him say, “Hey, you look a lot like that photographer character from City of God. The white guy with the glasses.”

This was too much. My smile left me and my face was dead serious. “I’m sorry, city of what?”

"City of God," he stammered, sensing that something was amiss.

"God is just another lie, you fucking retard," I seethed, "And if you believe it, you’re an idiot. Go preach about your fundie movies to someone else." I raised my hand, and spoke slowly in a clear voice. "Little man, your fedora is broken!" There was a crack, and the hat split asunder in the teen’s hand, and the brim of it fell down at my feet.

Tears streamed down his face as his mom drove him away. A couple of the other drivers started to whistle and cheer, soon pedestrians joined in and even the crossing guard. I gave a wave and went off with a feeling of accomplishment.

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Circlejerk Copypasta Thread

Reading by the Dramatically Reads Youtube Channel

Fresh Copypasta: “I am a warrior and my weapon of choice is Bitcoin”

I am an American. My taxes are paying for the missiles that are killing people around the world. My taxes are also supporting the fiat money system that enriches the shareholder and enslaves the worker, home owner, and student. I cannot win the war by buying an AK-47 and raising an army BUT I can buy bitcoins.

I am a warrior and my weapon of choice is BITCOIN. My army will grow and grow and grow until we win the war. We will bring the evil fiat banking system to its knees!! They will beg to join us, and we will say no because we will not need them when the new JUST banking system is working smoothly.

I AM A WARRIOR AND MY WEAPON OF CHOICE IS BITCOIN

Source